| you know what sucks? having friends that you have known forever and depend on that fall through for you time and time again... that sucks... that fucking sucks. it sucks when you're feeling broken hearted and they won't help you get through it... not even that they have to go out of their way to plan something to get your mind off of the person who urt you. YOU plan it and THEY still don't want to come... that sounds fucking shitty. i hate it. i hate the fact that someone i've only known for half the time is more dependable more kind hearted than that person. i hate my relationships ith everyone at the moment i just want to move away and start a new fucking life.
|
| |
| I just want a boyfriend... one that is nice to me as i am to him. one that won't leave me there to hang and when the thread finally rips is there to catch me. One that won't make me cry every chance he gets... one that won't let me keep this stupid hope of a reconciliation that will never happen. One that won't text me sweet things knowing that i'll take it that way and then give me the cold shoulder.
I just want someone to cuddle to fall for and feel what everyone around me is feeling. I just want to be with someone who treats me as well as i am willing to treat them. I need to feel what it feels to be in a relationship a stable one. I need someone to fill the void that's there when i'm alone. i just want to be with someone. I'm just so ridiculously optimistic that i keep getting hurt. I'm so tired of being alone... i'm so tired of trying to be with someone and not being met half way... I'm tired of being sad and i'm tired of faking a smile...
|
| |
| Oh my word, xanga has changed a ton. it took me forever to refigure out how to do this.
anyways
well last night was an adventure... i almost caused my boyfriend to get into an accident... and then i was so taken over with emotion that i told him i loved him... i don't mean it fully yet but i do mean it... he didn't really respond and kinda just didn't say anything awkward. i know. so now i'm just like hmm... idk it was just like i could have lost him and i just wanted to tell him how i felt and "i like you" just didn't cut it. He's the best guy taht i've ever had and it was so scary to see him almost crash. UGH me and my stupid racing competitiveness.
I just don't know how to feel... it's like there's this huge elephant in the room to me now, but i don't want to bring up the fact that i said i love you without meaning it 100%. But i don't want him to think that i was like all weird... idk maybe i shoulda said i care so much about you... eh. whatev. so yeap... i'm restarting this xanga. im gonna document my summer so i can reread this stuff.
|
| |
| i've never felt more alone and hurt right now.
|
| |
| friend problem... still somewhat there but also somewhat solved. Boy problem? idk... lol but over all much better. i think it's the pms talking half the time.
|
| |
7:01 PM - add eprops - add comments - email it
